Follow the link, print, and read the article (or if you are a green person, skip the paper waste)... Unhooking article
Thinking on this article, it occurred to me that this concept can not only be used to "unhook" from co-workers and bosses, but also spouses, children, family members, my students, friends, etc...
First, what I found most interesting was the evaluation process, meaning discovering if one is indeed "hooked", and the idea that you can be physically hooked (physical responses to the stress), emotionally hooked (loss of emotional control as a response to the stress), and/or mentally hooked (spacing out, obsessive thinking and talking about the stressful situation/person)... The article says you can be this, or this, or this...
Personally, I feel all three things when somebody has got me hooked! Feel (physical) like a wriggling fish on a real hook, being pulled along by my guts... Then (emotional), I fall apart sometimes (it's a family trait to wear our heart's on our sleeves). I'm the crier... I hate that!... Then, (mental) I obsess about solving the issue, talking it up and down, until that horse is good and dead. (Sorry to my friends and family who have to listen to me not shutting up... "Shut up shuttin' up!", as in the Bugs Bunny cartoon from years back offered us. Now, I know what they meant! LOL!!)
The second most important part of this "hook" concept is using the steps to "unhook" yourself, but most importantly, finding those things that one must do that work for one personally. All the steps to "unhook" are very very useful, but one way of say physically unhooking may work for another, where as another may work better for someone else.
The steps are...
1). UNHOOK PHYSICALLY - This is healthy ways to calm the body down and release negative energy, like meditative breathing, going for a walk, yoga, punch a pillow, run, etc... (I am still of the mind that a kick boxing class would make ME a happy camper. Although, I love yoga, and strangely enough, my sweet hubby suggested we do yoga TOGETHER just yesterday!)
2). UNHOOK MENTALLY - This is internally, "...talking yourself down off a ledge. It involves looking at your difficult situation from a fresh perspective." Objectively inventory the situation by asking and answering honestly the following five questions: What's happening here?, What are the facts of the situation?, What's their part?, What's my part?, What are my options? (And, I agree with the author, admitting what MY PART is is the hardest thing, but knowing this can change everything. If I understand my motives and reason for my reaction or feeling, I can govern those motives and feelings so I have and keep control over myself.)
3). UNHOOK VERBALLY - This is finding, "... the words (or sometimes the silence) to protect yourself..." and get out of the "trap", with your job, life, and sanity in tact, and healthy. Remember to focus on the ultimate goal, not the little stuff, (fight the fight worth fighting, not every fight), and take the high road when you communicate... KWIM?... Use "I" instead of "you", don't judge or accuse... "Just the facts Mam."
4). UNHOOK with a BUSINESS TOOL - This is using any standard procedure with written documentation available, like contracts, job descriptions, memos, e-mails, reviews, company policies, expectations and goals, etc... Yes, this sounds like this is workplace applicable only, but this idea can be reworked for a relationship (budgetary agreements, on paper, to keep all parties accountable), or say, my students. (Behavioral contracts are a good thing with some students, because it makes the "lines in the sand" very clear, which sometimes they really need to succeed. And, that is what we all want. We want success for everyone concerned!)
The third important part of this article is the "Putting It All Together - Your Personal Unhooking Assessment". This is a short worksheet to help you "practice unhooking". GREAT IDEA!
And, finally, the section at the very end of the article is a fabulous addition. It is called "Unhooking At a Glance". The quick fix tools for immediate help... Yes!
OK... Well, I am ready to "verbally unhook" about this subject, and let it sit in my unconscious for the rest of the day. Hope I motivated you to unhook something or someone in your life...
Safety, health, happiness, and peace... Pam